SB XLIX Preview: 5 Keys to Victory

Are you “About that action, Boss” or do you prefer your balls on the wrong side of “Deflate-gate”?

Since #FF15 isn’t starting for a good long while, let’s do a rundown of a few of the finer points of championship football.  I’m talking the real ‘ship this time.  Statistics on paper won’t count for much when the lame duck pigskins start fluttering around this Sunday.

First and foremost, I believe I can predict with a high accuracy that this will be a competitive game.  There will be no repeat performance of the blowout of XLVIII.  One year ago, we saw what happens when an unstoppable force meets an immovable object.  There will be no opposites attack story-line here.  Each team who made it to the “Big Game” in 2015 is well rounded enough to put up a great fight all the way to the end.  Vegas seems to agree (for those who care) and the point spread is a narrow margin of 2.  It’s going to be a knock down drag out.  Unlock the keys after the jump:

Air Beast Mode

1.)  Beast Mode vs. Blount Force Trauma

I’m about that action boss

Redundancy seemed appropriate considering

I’m just here so I don’t get fined.

At any rate the beast will feast as long as he’s released. Gotta feed the Beast after midnight, as I’ve written about here and here before. The Seahawks need to keep the feed ready if they want to see some #handshakes on Sunday. Do what works best and don’t make @DangerRussell act even more dangerous than necessary. We don’t want to see a first half air raid gone bad like the #NFCChampionship game.

Pound the rock, and
Pound the rock, and
Pound the rock, and
Pound the rock, and
I think you get the idea.

On the topic of a Blount that will score a touchdown for you, I am flabbergasted at Mike Tomlin’s decision to cut him earlier this year.  If not for that glaring blunder, we might be talking about the Steelers in this SB matchup.


2.) Russell with his muscles vs. Brady Bunch

The pictures say it all.  Do you really want to read an in depth analysis of one of the most overexposed position in sports?  No.  I couldn’t even read what was here without snoozing.

Whoever throws least INTs will win.  BOOM.

3.) Sherminator vs Revis Island

Can we safely assume that Richard Sherman’s right arm will be made out of duct tape and delusions of grandeur?  Check.  Is he still a pretty solid CB with 1 arm?  I don’t know.  For some reason Aaron Rodgers decided he didn’t want to find out.  We’ll have to wait until the game starts to see if he can still hack it with 1 arm.  There have been rumors floating around my head that the Seattle Seahawks medical staff will simply give him a robot arm, a la Ray Lewis in SB XLVII.

Not to sound untrusting of the miracles of modern human robotics advancement, but I don’t think they can just take off Ray Lewis’ robot arm and attach it to the Sherminator.  It’s really gonna be the wrong size.  His arm specifications seem to be more along the lines of the Terminator 2 variety.  Hopefully Sherman has sent someone forward in time to bring an arm back for him.

At any rate, some basic math can show that a Sherman with only one arm can logically only be at 50% strength.  Given the extra week to figure out time travel and human machine interface technology, let’s assume he jumps back up to 75%.  Can you make an argument that he will still make more of an impact than Revis Island?  Not likely.

If the Hawks pass (and I have no idea why they would) look for Revis to change the outcome of this game.  Pete Carroll, I would not call you crazy if you sat down Russell with his muscles and told him to STAY OFF THE ISLAND.  All day.  Don’t throw toward Revis.

The Pats don’t really have this luxury, nor do I think they really want it.  They’re up against the Legion of Boom; and that’s more than just the Sherminator.  Dega Vu seems to be creaping into this storyline, as the Pat’s vaunted passing offence smashes against the immovable Seahawks D.  Will the game be won on this front?  If the coaches have anything to say about it, no way Jose.

4.) Bill Belicheat vs Pete Carroll

The mastermind, the missing sleeves, the eligible receiver shuffle.

There are so many ways to get Belichick’d in this game.  Do you have to worry about covering linemen who checked in as eligible 4 plays ago?  Myself, having never attended law school, I could not tell you if and when these rules apply.  It’s just bad football.  No, it’s not illegal…. yet.  I sincerely hope we don’t see a SB victory based off an eligible LT taking the game winner in unguarded because of these dumb rules.

That being said, I think Big double B will have enough sense to mix in plenty of the winning formula vs the Hawks, which I will spell out below:

  • Gronk run
  • Gronk score
  • Gronk spike

The Hawks are terrible against the TE.  Their secondary excels in speed and physicality vs WRs.  Gigantic man mountains like Gronk are a different story.  Want evidence?  Ask Antonio Gates and his 3 TDs vs the Hawks during a SD victory earlier this year.  Btw, he’s also OLD.

In the Pete Carrol camp, WTF are you thinking?  Earlier in the year, I said that Russell Wilson is not a Quarterback, he’s another running back who lines up in the QB position.  That ended up working out just great.  Keep Russell running and keep those INTs to a minimum.  The Hawks need to establish the run game much more so than their opponents.  In the NFC championship game, Russell ran almost not at all??!  Pete, you have to change your play calling and unleash your running attack.

Finally, will we see another unbelievable comeback like we saw two weeks ago?  I’m saying absolutely not.  There is no way Seattle can play as badly as they did in the first half of the game or miraculously reverse their fate so completely at the end of the game.

Whoever controls the ball better in the 2nd half and makes fewest mistakes should come out on top, onside kicks non-withstanding.

5.) #Deflategate vs 12th Man

You didn’t think I could end this article without taking into account the controversy revolving around the under-inflated footballs?  Do I think it will have an effect on the outcome of the game?  There is no way to truly tell that for certain.  I do know, however, that good old Bill Belichick has been answering questions about atmospheric pressure and temperature instead of using that time to move “on to Cincinnati.”

Final item of note, home field advantage has been severely reduced for Seattle.  In their house, the 12th man plays as large a roll as any crowd in sports.  Without that pick-me-up, the 11 on the field will have to pick up the slack that much more.  With ticket prices hovering around $8000, I can’t imagine the 12s can afford to show up like they do in the Pacific Northwest.


I’m trying not to say the name of this game that has the initials SB.  Can never be too careful right?  Cover photo was listed in Google’s public licence domain, so I think that’s aight.


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